In my flesh, I am all kinds of weird. From the time that I was just three years old, I’ve always felt that I was different. Nothing special or anything, but most definitely different than my younger sisters and most of my peers. My senses are keen, oftentimes causing hypersensitivity; I love order and routine and despise change. I love hard and am extremely emotional. I HAVE to feed my brain with new knowledge and I hate being wrong. I enjoy British Literature and the many facets of the human mind. I hate wet feet and sticky hands. I don’t enjoy writing, but I apparently do it well. I hate losing people and things. I love psychology and sociology, and problem-solving. Certain textures grind my gears, and my head is huge…but in the cute, Tweety Bird kind of way :-).
See…told ya I was pretty weird.
Growing up, I welcomed my smarts, but I despised being set apart…I love people and social interaction. After finishing up my third grade school year, the Summer was upon me and I wasn’t a happy camper. I loved school; it was my haven…I could be me and read all of the books that I wanted and allow my brain to gobble up all of the knowledge that it could possibly hold without me crashing. Well, during this particular Summer, my school sent my parents a letter asking to test my IQ, as my grades and behavior must have indicated that I was ‘gifted’. So, my parents apparently agreed and I was tested having no clue what any of this meant or was all about. It was a win-win for me since I got to take a test! Once my scores came back, my educators informed my mother that I had tested on a 7th grade level, and that I would be placed in ‘Gifted & Talented’ group sessions set to begin that next school year. Little did I know, that the ‘gifted’ label would soon spike my desire to know and lead me to idolize the acquisition of knowledge and education.
Thankfully, it was also around this same time in my life that I decided to accept my first LOVE into my life. I may have been nerdy and gifted, but the saved part had suddenly become the most meaningful and important. The Lord understood that little, weird, big-headed, now fourth-grader and I LOVED Him for that. He helped me to understand me, and still does today.
I am all kinds of weird in my flesh, but in my spirit, I am simply peculiar. I threw away my insane love for knowledge and put on a love for Christ and wisdom and the things of the Spirit. Being the weird gifted girl is no longer the essence of who I am. I began to study the Bible and found that it is the greatest work of literature; I started getting revelations about myself and the Lord Himself through relationship; I found that the Lord’s mind was far more fascinating than any human’s; I learned that my weird quirks had a purpose and were only puzzle pieces to a much larger portrait. I had resolved in my mind to adopt a lifestyle and mindset geared toward His desires for my life, and the purpose that He had set for me well before my existence. Of course I am still in my flesh, but it now submits to the will of the Holy Spirit. There are moments when I still feel misunderstood, misjudged, and socially awkward, but that’s the cup we all take sips from every now and again. I know that there are times when you don’t always feel you fit in, but know that you have been set apart for a reason, and that the Lord is going to use those weird characteristics to profoundly change someone’s life one day, and advance the Kingdom.
I have to acknowledge who I am in my flesh, but I don’t have to idolize that identity. I am happy with the person that the Lord has created me to be and the ways in which he fashioned me, but it no longer drives my desires and decisions. Channel your intelligence in your Bible studying and show yourself approved unto God. Degrees, licenses, businesses, titles, careers, honors, skills etc. are not requirements for right-standing with God, but salvation and love are. 1 Corinthians 8:1b says, “Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.” No one likes the know-it-all, but we can all always use more love.
Were you the ‘smart’ kid in school and/or never felt like you fit in anywhere? If so, how did it affect your character? Were you ever labeled as a child? If so, what impact did it have on your life? How are you now, as an adult? Let’s chat! Feel free to tell your story! Love always, xoxo.
“Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God our Savior, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.”-Jude 1:24-25